You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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