At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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