Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
