well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
