I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
