So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
