so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
