I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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