ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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