just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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