Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
