We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
