xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
