but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
