thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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