I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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