What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
