I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
