Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this hospital has no fireball
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
