I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
