Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
