I wannas sexs uuuuu
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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