So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
