You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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