Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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