I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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