when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
