worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
