Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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