WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
