My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize