I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
