Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
