Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm too high and old for this...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
