guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize