Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
