I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
