sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
