she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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