I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im six kinds of drunk right now
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
