im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
