Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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