Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
