What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
