I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
