it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
