is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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