you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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