dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
