I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
