It's like a parade of train wrecks.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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