The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
