I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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