No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
