My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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