I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
