dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
