I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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