Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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