I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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