There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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