he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
