So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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