One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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