i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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