When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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