my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
