just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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