thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
