if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
