i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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