He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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