Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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