I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm just crazy horny about you
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize