i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
