No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
