The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
