her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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