I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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