so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will pee on everything he values.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
