I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
there is glitter all over my balls
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