Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
