Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
