Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
