Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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