Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
