I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
