And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
