New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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