why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
