pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She bit a glass in half.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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