I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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