You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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