I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
