wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
