woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
