My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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