It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
