I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
