I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
