smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
