you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
