Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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