I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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