The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
