drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
