Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
