If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
