we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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