I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
