I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize