it hurts more in the daytime
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
