you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
