I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
