I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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