I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm really busy with my period
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