TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
