Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
