I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
